Today is International Women's Day and it wasn't easy to miss it. There are big posters in the newspaper, flurry of wishes on whatsapp and much gratitude and expression of love on social media. A year ago when I was still part of the corporate hustle, there would be a lot of clamour and a week-long celebration. There would be games, leadership sessions, career counselling and virtual coffee breaks. The office intranet, which some of us didn't even know existed, would come alive with inspirational posts about women and their achievements.
I was impelled by my boss to be a part of the organising committee, despite my visibly disgruntled face. There might have been other colleagues who were keener, but I was the only female manager. Maybe it was the obvious thing (for him) to do - nominate a woman for organising women's day. I later found out that the women's day committee did truly represent the principles of our democracy - it was 'by the women, of the women, and for the women'. The sessions, the games and the virtual chit chats only had women participants. I wasn't sure if this meant that only women can celebrate women, or if the men were off doing better things. Well, I wouldn't say men were completely excluded. When it came to run the social media drive, men led the baton. There were pictures, quotes and poems heaping praises on mothers, wives, sisters and daughters for being the best caregivers and multitaskers. They were praised for doing the laundry, fetching the groceries, doing the dishes and making everyone happy while still being able to contribute in the office and have a career of their own. They were told that no one else could do it better because they are 'superwomen' and 'supermoms'. They are the embodiment of goddess Durga and Lakshmi. Hence, the universe has bestowed us women with 'special abilities', where we can hit the keys of the laptop and feed the wailing kid at the same time. When we are so entitled, it is only natural that we can play mother, daughter, wife and the career woman with so much ease.
This reminded me of one of my previous organisations where our manager would burden the most sincere and hardworking employees with largest pie of work. There would be pep talks and one-on-one meetings to remind them of their valuable contribution and motivate them to work extra harder. Since they are the best, it was their inherent duty towards the team to push the benchmark higher. So the most efficient workers sat late in the night burning the midnight oil. No wonder they were the first ones to leave the organisation at the end of the appraisal season.
This also reminded me of the ladies in the household. They would endlessly toil in the kitchen to make sure the men and children in the family do not go hungry. After all, there is nothing better than "maa ke hath ka khana" ("food cooked by mother"). There would be no break on Sundays and public holidays. Even when the rest of the family is gathered in front of the tv, or playing games or welcoming guests in the house, the lady of the house is busy making chai and pakoras in the kitchen. When nobody else can cook like her, isn't it natural for her to automatically assume this responsibility. She is the 'Supercook' after all.
This made me wonder what do I as a woman really want? Each one of us is unique and wants different things from life.
But what do I as a women do not want? The list is simple yet astonishing.
Do not restrict my identity as a 'mother', 'daughter' or 'sister' - I have a name and an identity of my own. The roles I play in my life do not define who I am. It is my beliefs and choices that define me. These roles cannot become the adjectives that describe me. So the next time you appreciate me, address me by my name
Do not position me as a goddess - If you put me on the pedestal, you make me absolute. I cannot change or fall because I am supposed to be my best version. But, I am just an ordinary human, who wants to be treated like one. I want to love, live and fail. I want to make mistakes. I want to try new things and fall and get back on my feet. I want to live life like everyone else.
Do not take my multitasking for granted - I can run the households and also pay the bills. But do I want to burn myself in this process? Absolutely no. I just have two hands like everyone else. I can either take that important office call or pacify my cranky kid. I can either cook that dinner or send out that important client deliverable. I can either go and buy groceries or sip that wine while watching my favourite show on Netflix. I get anxious just like you when I am expected to do both. I sometimes do both not because I choose to, but because I do not have a choice. I am not born with a special multi-tasking gene that you think I am. So the next time you see me multitasking, instead of marvelling at me, help me take that load off.
Do not call me a natural caregiver - I like taking care of people I love. But, I am not their de-facto caretaker. I love when I am the reason for their happiness, but I am not responsible for it. I am only responsible for my own happiness. I have my own dreams and passions, which cannot be compromised just because they do not fit into the societal conventions. I am not here to watch your back and take that fall for you, but I am going to stand by your side and give you strength to face your own consequences
So when someone asked me what is the greatest gift one can give to a woman on women's day, I said it would be simply the choice to be a human being.
PS: When my company asked me to write a few lines on what my thoughts were for the women's day, this is what I wrote
She belongs to the wind, to the skies, to the seas
She wants wings to fly, just like you and me
She has regrets and tears and pieces of broken dreams
She is struggling to stand tall, just like you and me
She wants to be loved, to be held and to be cared
She has the same fears and anxieties, as you and me
She has her heart and mind set to her goals
She won't give them up, for you and me
She may fail and fall and would have no one to call
But she will make her own choices, just like you and me
She belongs to wind, to the skies, to the seas,
She belongs to herself and not you and me
Happy Women's Day
Well said, Priya! It really touched my heart, I had tears in my eyes when I read this. I could relate myself to this so well, as if I am standing in front of a mirror trying to look at myself and wondering what do I as a woman actually want.
Really awesome!!!!!