Survival guide for Karva Chauth - An escape from starvation

Very recently I was dining at a friend’s place when amidst all the food and banter there was a fleeting mention of Karva chauth. The festival was about a month away and my friend shared how her excited mother-in-law had already decided what jewelry the daughter-in-law (my friend) would wear on the festival. Being born and raised in the northern part of India, there was nothing more to be said and discussed about Karva chauth. It came every year around the same time. All my married female friends suddenly got decked up in saree and jewelry. One could almost mistake the office for a wedding sangeet venue with pretty ladies everywhere.

The doting wives would not consume even a morsel of food all day, pray in the evening and break their fast as the moon rose. All done for the long life and well-being of their husbands. As a teenager, I couldn’t imagine a festival more romantic than this. Thanks to all the Yash Raj and Karan Johar movies that made us believe that there is nothing more beautiful than the lovely heroin praying in the dazzling moon light which filtered through the sieve, standing beside the hero swooning over her. I too imagined I would get married and fast for my loving husband’s long life and why not, isn’t it one of the most important duties bestowed to the wives by the dear society. Wives must support their husbands no matter what the circumstances are, consider it their luck and privilege that their husbands treat them right and make sure that they die before their husbands do. Now if the wife must die before the husband does (some genius also invented a term for it – to die ‘Suhaagan’), the wife better make sure that the husband has a long..long..long..very long life.

But as time passes by, practicality scores over romance and fantasy. One begins to realize how getting loaded with make up and jewellery year after year is not as rosy as depicted by the glittery soap opera queens. On top of that, you are supposed to starve yourself to death when food is just a Zomato or Swiggy away. You get no concessions in office for having woken up quite early to observe the rituals. And all that your dear husband must do is to feed you some food (that he has not cooked) at the end of day. Which makes you wonder whether the hubby even deserves the extra years you have added to his life after going through the misery.

But then ending this misery is quite simple, isn’t it? All that the wife must do is to quit observing this fast. But no, my dear married ladies, this is not quite that simple. For your extended family can misconstrue your nonobservance of fast not only as your lack of love for your husband, but also as your disrespect towards one of the many holy rituals, which could bring sheer bad luck. Alas! our not eating can change fate of ‘man’kind but provides no help in changing the fate of our own calories.

For those of us who want to escape this misery without upsetting their dear husbands and families, I do have a few useful action points:

1. Eat and don’t tell. After all, a lie that saves a life (in this case the wife’s and not the husband’s) is worth a thousand truths. For working wives, this shouldn’t be a problem at all. Unless you have nosy colleagues. On the other hand, stay-at-home wives living with their in-laws can come up with creative ways of hiding food the night before. Just throw in how hungry you are and how you are dying with thrust every now and then in front of the animated relatives. The rest should be sorted.

2. Plan a vacation with your hubby during Karva chauth. You can send a photo-shopped saree clad and jewelry-laden pic (while downing pints of beers) to convince your mother-in-law that you are very much the devoted wife and daughter-in-law even saat samundar paar (after crossing seven oceans of beer). The alcohol induced delirium can be easily mistaken as the huger induced fatigue over the watsapp video call. And you have managed to make both your husband (no man says no to beer) and mother-in-law happy

3. Say that you are pregnant. Well! this one should work like a magic. Nothing makes Indian families happier than the expected arrival of baby (read as ‘son’ in most households). What was supposed to be your day of starving, could easily end up as the day of over guzzling, without you even moving a finger. Wonderful isn’t it? When the day is over, all you have to do is say it was a false alarm and go about your life as usual. I few cries here and there and life would be back to normal

4. Say that the family astrologer has warned against you keeping the vrat (fast). Bribe if you must. Straight from the horse’s mouth has the maximum impact. The astrologer can make up a story about how the house will be cursed if the daughter-in-law stays hungry on Karva chauth. This one is sure to hit the bull’s eye! You will gain absolute freedom from all future Karva chauths. Your family will make sure that you are well fed especially on Karva chauth to avoid any inauspicious occurrences. You can enjoy your snack in full view while the other ladies sulk in hunger and burn with envy

For the few among us, who are incapable of staging the Karva chauth act, I have another simple solution. Just say no, and this is all it takes. You have made a conscious choice for which you need not provide any explanations. If the families aren’t happy, let them crib. The hubbies would surely understand. But if they don’t, better make sure that you eat on Karva chauth. What if the opposite is true and eating food on Karva chauth deducts a year or two instead. You could then kill two birds (‘hunger’ and an ‘ungrateful husband’) with one stone (or ice cream brick)