Time flies by. Very quickly too. Two years ago on this very day I was getting my nails done. I wanted everything to be perfect. The length, the shape, the base coat, the top coat - there was absolutely no space and time for goof up. My mind was restless with just three days to go. I am quite certain my manicurist realised it too. He offered a cup of tea which I gladly accepted.
My thoughts were all over the place. They jumped from the warm cup of tea in my hand to the bright red mandala hanging on the wall in the front. Without a moment’s notice they went back to reviewing my list of to-dos. I hope the make up team arrives on time - should I call and remind them again? Oh god! I need to rehearse my dance steps - my would-be has not two but three left feet. Anything missing in my trousseau? That red dress didn’t fit that well. Should I keep a back up? Wait..do I even have a back up? The footwear wouldn’t match anyways so what is the point. Oh the footwear..are the heals too high? What if I take a great fall. Oh god..I should have bought something comfy. The call from home snapped me back to the present - the mandala was still there and so was the cup of tea. It took me a moment to realise that my nails were done too - a beautiful artwork of golden stars and glitter on a carpet of red. This is exactly how I wanted my D-day to be. Perfect to the T.
There was endless planning and late night problem solving. COVID did not make it easy either. There were four different guest lists to accommodate any last minute guidelines. Yes, my family is quite the optimist. Trials and tribulations of crowded shopping places with unmasked faces were no less harrowing. I maintained a safe distance from sneezing and coughing humans. I showered every time I came back from one of these sojourns. I reminded myself that I couldn’t let the guard down.
Friends and relatives swung to and fro between accepting and rejecting the invite. No one was sure they could make it. It very well echoed our own deep unacknowledged fears. Is there going to be a wedding at all?
Did everything end well? Yes, it did. But did it need to be perfect to end well? And was it an ‘end’ at all?
Today when I reflect back to those stressful times, I feel the urge to reach out and comfort the agitated and restless two-year-back-version of mine. Only if we could send back notes to our past selves and assure that it will all be fine. I still did go ahead and write this post in the hope that someday when science has advanced enough and cracked the code to turn back time, I will go ahead and mail this to the bride who needed to let her hair down.
Dear Priya,
Please sit down and take a deep breath. It is time to let go of your unfounded worries.
Here is the truth. Wedding day is super hyped. It is not the most important day in your life. You do not have to be the best version of yourself. Neither in the metaphorical nor in the literal sense. You have to simply look and be yourself - the normal self. This is what you will be for the rest of your lifetime and this is how you would want your loved ones to remember you.
The wedding day is ephemeral. A day of temporary eccentricity and celebration. It is a joyous day, but it does not need to be the best or perfect. Perfect moments happen by chance. Sometimes in the most inexplicable ways and on the most ordinary days. The more you chase them the more they slip away. Do not coerce yourself to create that perfect moment on the day of your wedding.
Marriage has absolutely nothing to do with the day you take the vows. It is what comes after the celebrations die down. When the guests have all left. When the gifts are all unwrapped. When the henna fades. When the fancy clothes are packed and stored away. When the honeymoon is finally over and you are back in the humdrum daily life.
The wedding albums will bite the dust within a year. No one will remember what you wore or how you looked. The flowers and decor will matter to none. They will be out of fashion by the next wedding season. Friends and relatives will soon attend another wedding and you my dear will not remain the new bride you were. Do not waste your energy on making others happy. It is your day to celebrate your new beginning and others are just a part of it. You can decide how you want it to be - small, big, simple, fancy, traditional, modern. Whatever makes you happy. But do not focus on creating an extraordinary day - rather just another one where you can share your joy and happiness.
Let not the smaller flaws and misgivings ruin your smile. A bigger, happier and magical life awaits you beyond the rituals and festivities. Where shiny and glittery things do not bring happiness. Where you will find love and companionship on the most mundane days and in the most ordinary ways. It might not always be perfect, but it will still be beautiful.
Love,
Your wiser future self
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